The Hair In Your Food pt. 1

I work at a certain popular restaurant that will remain nameless at this point in time. I've been there for quite a while, and lemme tell you, I've seen every kind of person come through, every kind of complaint, and every "special request" ordered. After a while, you even start to develop what my friend Chad says is "subconscious racism," which is essentially the same thing as profiling everybody (an act which fortunately proves me wrong from time to time-- but then again they don't call it profiling for nothing... :/)
This is gonna be an ongoing series of satirical/humorous posts dedicated to the little (and big) annoyances of the job. I realize more and more over time how nonsensical customers can be in the food industry, which makes for a good laugh some of the time, but mostly leaves me with a headache and an emptier wallet at the end of the night. You'll find this especially funny/relative if you yourself work or have worked in the restaurant biz. So here you go- funny for you, stress relief for me, and hopefully informative for the would-be committers of these heinous deeds.

DRINKS

• If you order a tea from me, and I ask you if you would like sweetener with the tea, do NOT look to the back of the table to see if the sweetener is there. I assure you, its not. That is why I'm asking. In the same vein, do not say you don't want it only to tell me that you actually DO want it beacuse you realized it wasn't at the back of the table after I return with your drink. Like I said, I asked you for a reason.
• While I'm talking about sweetener- LEARN THE NAMES OF THE SUGAR PACKETS! Really, Sweet and Low is not "the pink stuff" and Splenda is not "the yellow stuff." You don't call ketchup "the red tomato stuff" or salt "the white grainy stuff" do you? No, you do not.
• If you drink alcohol, don't pick the day I'm serving you to decide you don't wanna drink that night. The other day I had a man order a Sprite, the result being his family looking at him in utter shock- "But Bill, you ALWAYS order a beer!" Of course, Bill, you would choose tonight to not drink, therefore resulting in a smaller bill, resulting in a smaller tip... ugh.
• Don't order multiple drinks at a time, its just annoying. And not just to me, to EVERY server. If you want a different drink, just ask for it when your first one is done. The only possible exception to this is water and alcohol...
• There are 3 types of people at my job when it comes to informing them about our alcoholic drinks: those who listen to what I'm telling them and then actually get something I suggest, those who listen to my whole deal and then say the don't drink, and finally those who laugh at my suggestion of alcohol as if to say, "oh wouldn't it be funny if WE got alcohol?" Ok, just a few things about these groups: to group 2, please just interrupt me and tell me you don't drink. Saves me time, and you look like less of an idiot pretending like you're interested in what I'm saying. Trust me, a won't think you're rude for cutting me off. To group 3- its really not that funny. At all. Get off your high horse and just say you don't drink without making it sound like its so beneath you.

More posts to come!