The Hair In Your Food pt. 2

Today's topic- Tips:

I could go on all day about tip talk. The fact is, many people just don't know how to do it right. As one who depends on others' tips to pay my bills, this is a hot topic for me. Here's some tips of how YOU can not be the person i'm about to write about. And btw, these complaints aren't just coming from left field because I'm some kind of bad server or anything. I would consider myself to be a pretty decent server, and tons of others servers will know what i'm talking about too.

1. Let's clear the air right from the start: tips these days should be in the vicinity of  20% of your total bill. As i said before, tips are my income. You know how much i make hourly? like 3.50. Do you think that pays my bills? I'll give you a hint: NO, it does not. Now that we've laid the groundwork, let's clear up the gray areas.
2. If you paid for some of your bill with a gift card, tip according to what the original bill was! Are you so cheap that you can't throw in an extra 5 bucks? Especially when you just saved like 50 bucks??
3. Yes, i just used 'cheap'. Not thrifty- cheap. I have little to no grace towards people who tip small. If you really wanted to save a few bucks, do everyone a favor and grab some fast food. I blame Oprah for this cultural disease. Apparently her solution to saving money is not to avoid going out, but to avoid tipping as much when you do go out! Jeez Oprah! You are an idiot.
4. Gospel tracts don't pay my bills.
5. Don't you dare tell me that you'll "take care of me" unless you intent to tip me like 30-50%. Really, was that your brilliant way of trying to get me to give you good service, or are you still stuck in the 50s where 2.17 got you a full tank of gas?
6. Please, i challenge you- prove me wrong about how i think you are going to tip me. I can see a bad tip the minute it walks in the door. However, i'm glad to say I'm not always right about it. People do prove me wrong sometimes and I end up getting a surprisingly good tip. But here's the thing: Servers don't stereotype the senior citizens, the old farmers, the family with 5 little kids, the hillbillies, and the "Canadians" for no reason. They call it a stereotype because the general populous of that group has given us reason to. Just sayin..

The Hair In Your Food pt. 1

I work at a certain popular restaurant that will remain nameless at this point in time. I've been there for quite a while, and lemme tell you, I've seen every kind of person come through, every kind of complaint, and every "special request" ordered. After a while, you even start to develop what my friend Chad says is "subconscious racism," which is essentially the same thing as profiling everybody (an act which fortunately proves me wrong from time to time-- but then again they don't call it profiling for nothing... :/)
This is gonna be an ongoing series of satirical/humorous posts dedicated to the little (and big) annoyances of the job. I realize more and more over time how nonsensical customers can be in the food industry, which makes for a good laugh some of the time, but mostly leaves me with a headache and an emptier wallet at the end of the night. You'll find this especially funny/relative if you yourself work or have worked in the restaurant biz. So here you go- funny for you, stress relief for me, and hopefully informative for the would-be committers of these heinous deeds.

DRINKS

• If you order a tea from me, and I ask you if you would like sweetener with the tea, do NOT look to the back of the table to see if the sweetener is there. I assure you, its not. That is why I'm asking. In the same vein, do not say you don't want it only to tell me that you actually DO want it beacuse you realized it wasn't at the back of the table after I return with your drink. Like I said, I asked you for a reason.
• While I'm talking about sweetener- LEARN THE NAMES OF THE SUGAR PACKETS! Really, Sweet and Low is not "the pink stuff" and Splenda is not "the yellow stuff." You don't call ketchup "the red tomato stuff" or salt "the white grainy stuff" do you? No, you do not.
• If you drink alcohol, don't pick the day I'm serving you to decide you don't wanna drink that night. The other day I had a man order a Sprite, the result being his family looking at him in utter shock- "But Bill, you ALWAYS order a beer!" Of course, Bill, you would choose tonight to not drink, therefore resulting in a smaller bill, resulting in a smaller tip... ugh.
• Don't order multiple drinks at a time, its just annoying. And not just to me, to EVERY server. If you want a different drink, just ask for it when your first one is done. The only possible exception to this is water and alcohol...
• There are 3 types of people at my job when it comes to informing them about our alcoholic drinks: those who listen to what I'm telling them and then actually get something I suggest, those who listen to my whole deal and then say the don't drink, and finally those who laugh at my suggestion of alcohol as if to say, "oh wouldn't it be funny if WE got alcohol?" Ok, just a few things about these groups: to group 2, please just interrupt me and tell me you don't drink. Saves me time, and you look like less of an idiot pretending like you're interested in what I'm saying. Trust me, a won't think you're rude for cutting me off. To group 3- its really not that funny. At all. Get off your high horse and just say you don't drink without making it sound like its so beneath you.

More posts to come!

Best Advise Ever (so far)

I've been thinking lately about some of the best advise or phrases I've ever received or heard in my life. They may not sound so life changing at first, but if you really think about them and remember them as things come up in your life, they actually start to sound very spot-on. Some of these make me really wish that a lot of people would remember them too as situations come up it their lives*...
*Side note- one thing to know about me is that I consider myself to be an extremely logical person. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I feel like throughout my life I've had good reason to proclaim myself as such. The fastest, most condensed way is always the most logical way, in my opinion, and contrary to most of the world "following" your heart" is not the way I like to roll ha. I believe a lot of these pieces of advise to be pretty logical. Maybe they'll be a help to you, maybe not, but whatev...

1. Honesty is the best policy.
The classic cliche phrase, but so true. This rings particularly true when it comes to relationships...just sayin...

2. If everyone would be even a little less selfish, the whole world would be better off.
And it really would. I feel confident in saying that about 98% of the worlds problems come from the selfishness of every person. Sometimes everything just isn't about you. It pains me how tough it is for that fact to sink into some people's brains. And if you are rolling your eyes at this one, you are that person.

3. Cars are the worst investment you'll ever make.
Too freakin true. The things are a money pit, you never get back what you put into it. It sucks that we live in an age where most people need one. 

anyways thats it for now. I'll update this post when I can think of more. You got any good ones to share?

Going verbal?

To put it simply, I've decided to expand my blog to more than just design work. I'm doing this for a couple reasons: 1. my new site will be up soon which will be completely dedicated to my design work anyway, so for those that want to look at my work without being polluted with other content, they will have that option there (plus there's no point having 2 places that produce the exact same content right?)  2.Without sounding like my thoughts are worth anybody listening to, I feel like i do have some interesting things on my mind from time to time, and it would just be nice to put them on some sort of platform so i can fully collect my thoughts and also so i can remember what it is i was thinking about haha. sometimes i think i'll be on a good train of thought, and when i don't write it down i forget it. Plus, some of those thoughts are things i'm learning, some truth i may have realized, or maybe even just funny ways of looking at things. whatever the case, i'd like to remember some of those things. The final reason for me writing content is simply to build relationships with you all. I feel like even though this is a blog dedicated to my design work, that is not all i am. I am not JUST a designer. There is a person behind all the layouts and ideas, ya know? My hope through writing is that maybe i can inspire you, learn with you, and even teach you something through the things i myself am learning. And in turn, maybe what i write will help you to teach and inspire me as well.

Here's to the future of this blog. Hopefully you continue to enjoy my work, and learn to equally enjoy the other various parts of my mind.